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Regret is a choice (nothing is ever only)

[00:00:00] Good morning. It's Christmas Eve day. Um, I'm gonna go take a walk with my sister who's visiting and then I'm gonna go to the office and do some charts and finish wrapping and all the fun stuff. But, um, someone had written me a question and it actually really applies to a concept that I think about often. 

You guys have heard me say, I hate certain words. I hate the word fear for sure. Regret, guilt, shame. They're all sentiments that we. utilize poorly. And here's what I mean. So this particular love who, and this is a common theme, like I, I'm using one example, but many people have written about this. What do I think about them having a third baby? 

Now, of course, I'm an ob, ob gyn, I deliver babies. It's my business. I have three kids. My honest answer, of course, should be hell yeah, I have a third baby. But my honest answer is, I don't know. Obviously it's different for everyone. I did not want three children. My third was a surprise and she was a delight, and she's the love of our lives, and we can't imagine life without her. 

But is, do I think that my life with only two would've been worse? I think my life without her would've [00:01:00] been worse because I know her now, but there is no, um, black or white. You've heard me say that too, right? Nothing is ever only everything is always. And so when you look at things with this lens of, oh God, I hope I picked the right choice, that is the problem. 

You think there is one choice. You think there is only one choice. You think there is a right or a wrong? Doesn't this seem obvious to everyone? There is no right or wrong. There's no one right choice. There is no 100% perfect answer. Therefore, if you look at anything as, okay, there's this where I have two children and my life is somewhat ordered and they could fit in a smaller car and two children can bond together like my sister and I are so close because it was just the two of us growing up. 

All those different aspects of having just a family of two children, a unit of four, for example, it's wonder. It's affordable in different ways, all those things, right? Versus three where, oh my God, having that third child, you can't imagine life without that third kid again. You and I can all come up with scenarios as to why there are good and bad to [00:02:00] both, right? 

So you really have to enter any of these choices. Telling yourself and reminding yourself the truth, which is you cannot regret it because regret implies there is one right decision and there's not. So before you even set yourself up for that failure, you need to tell yourself that it's the same thing with regard to regret. 

Like, will I regret? Or no that I never had kids, will I regret that I picked this vacation over that vacation People, if you listen to my paradigm, it is this. I don't want to ever be so wedded to one end point in my life for anything. As much as I love manifesting, you have to manifest your end game. 

Whatever it is that you want, you have to really visualize it, but you actually have to go into it with this really open, fuzzy mind that if I don't meet that end game, it's okay. Because the journey between here and there was so great in all different ways. And was it always. No, it sucked sometimes too, right? 

There is beauty and love within that suck within the journey. So if you view it that way, and if we raise our children to believe, [00:03:00] you need to groom yourself to be independent and resilient, which will lead to happiness. What ends up occurring along that way is just gonna be the events that you manage to. 

Um, create the beauty and love around if you're so stuck on the one event. Like, I can only be happy if I get married, if I have children, if I become a doctor, if I have two kids, if I have three kids, if I have three boys, if I have three girls, you'll ruin yourself because you're setting yourself up for a life of things that they're not under your control always. 

Right? So I say to this lovely woman who is concerned and fraught with. Um, worry about what to do, don't worry. Instead, change your response to what you think is right or wrong. There's no right answer. You can choose not to regret, and the best way to choose not to regret is to go into it reminding yourself of the beautiful parts of both, and maybe reminding yourself of the not beautiful parts of both, because then maybe on net in that moment, you'll be able to make the decision about not having the third or having the third, and then move. 

don't even [00:04:00] look back. Right? There is no wrong choice here. Okay. That's what I think. I think I'm right. I invite you along with my paradigm. I think a lot of you actually think this way, but you just don't realize it either, by the way. Okay. Um, and yes, if you're thinking my hair is crazy as crazy, I got outta bed and I'm like, heat meiser today. 

So it's apropo for Christmas. Okay, bye.